Solid advice! I think the tricky part is when you’re dealing with a gaslighter who expresses contempt in more subtle ways and then denies it when you try to address it. The difference between being treated with contempt and distorting someone’s intentions can be ambiguous. But typically your gut knows, and that feeling of unease prevails over time. Would you agree?
I think that gaslighting and contempt are both attempts to control another person.
We do know when something we say is true, or it is not. And we know when another person is lying and manipulating you to imagine you are crazy. You’re not crazy.
It’s is also important here not to ignore situations and people who give you that “ick, something here is wrong” feeling.
Well organized and thoughtful essay. I’ve had trouble in multiple relationships with resolving disagreements… which leads me to believe that I am the issue. I’ll definitely check out your book. Thanks 😊
Thank you so much for the encouragement - I understand fully what you are saying (been thru a lot of therapy) and there’s certainly some truth to your words. I look forward to reading your book chapters, and appreciate that you’ve offered them for free 😊.
Hi Korie- even tho I don’t know you at all, I can honestly say you might not be the problem. It’s quite possible that the type of people that you’ve been with in the past are similar in that they crave those disagreements. (?) we’re all on a learning journey here. We learn how to be in relationship by what we experienced when we were young. I wrote an earlier essay about ”dilemmas in love- is my picker broken?”. It talks more about what I’m referring to here. Have a look and I hope it helps.
I’ve published the first six chapters of my book Staying Together in my stack and they are free for everyone to read. Chapter seven and future ones will only be partially available to free subscribers.
I think you’ve made some excellent choices in your healing from toxic situations. It’s not easy to make these changes. At an even deeper level, for a person like you, who has no secondary agenda, it is extremely difficult to comprehend the mindset of people who are so unkind. So instead of trying to understand, it’s important to have firm boundaries about how people may treat you. We all need to learn these things.
Solid advice! I think the tricky part is when you’re dealing with a gaslighter who expresses contempt in more subtle ways and then denies it when you try to address it. The difference between being treated with contempt and distorting someone’s intentions can be ambiguous. But typically your gut knows, and that feeling of unease prevails over time. Would you agree?
I think that gaslighting and contempt are both attempts to control another person.
We do know when something we say is true, or it is not. And we know when another person is lying and manipulating you to imagine you are crazy. You’re not crazy.
It’s is also important here not to ignore situations and people who give you that “ick, something here is wrong” feeling.
Well organized and thoughtful essay. I’ve had trouble in multiple relationships with resolving disagreements… which leads me to believe that I am the issue. I’ll definitely check out your book. Thanks 😊
Thank you so much for the encouragement - I understand fully what you are saying (been thru a lot of therapy) and there’s certainly some truth to your words. I look forward to reading your book chapters, and appreciate that you’ve offered them for free 😊.
Hi Korie- even tho I don’t know you at all, I can honestly say you might not be the problem. It’s quite possible that the type of people that you’ve been with in the past are similar in that they crave those disagreements. (?) we’re all on a learning journey here. We learn how to be in relationship by what we experienced when we were young. I wrote an earlier essay about ”dilemmas in love- is my picker broken?”. It talks more about what I’m referring to here. Have a look and I hope it helps.
I’ve published the first six chapters of my book Staying Together in my stack and they are free for everyone to read. Chapter seven and future ones will only be partially available to free subscribers.
I think you’ve made some excellent choices in your healing from toxic situations. It’s not easy to make these changes. At an even deeper level, for a person like you, who has no secondary agenda, it is extremely difficult to comprehend the mindset of people who are so unkind. So instead of trying to understand, it’s important to have firm boundaries about how people may treat you. We all need to learn these things.