Talk with me - “The Way we do Anything…”
# 1
I’m beginning a new section in my stack, and I’m looking forward to interacting with you within this space.
I’ve been blessed to have spoken with thousands of people throughout the years while working as a psychotherapist. I’m mostly retired now, and I miss the philosophical aspect of sharing thoughts.
I do not stake any claim in being a philosophical “great”. Instead, I come from a place of humility, and would like to share insights brought to me over the past 71 years.
So please, Talk with Me.
Thought for the day:
“The way you do anything is the way you do everything”. This quote has been attributed to so many people from John Wick to Martha Beck to a random elder in a Midwest First Nation. Whomever it was, I thank you.
I’ve noticed this philosophy applies to most every single situation of knowing what people are truly like at their core. It relates to the thought of ‘who are you when no one is looking.’
As I’ve worked with people, I’ve applied this insight to those trying to figure out if a new person in their life is worth dating, what a company will be like to work for, what type of friend a person will be, and how people parent (to mention just a few ways to use this philosophy.)
Let’s take the dating example, since it’s very clear: when attempting to figure out if a new person is who they say they are observe:
How they treat wait staff at a restaurant
What’s the interior condition of their car, apartment, purse etc.
Who are their friends, and how do their friends treat each other
How do they speak about other people, are they disparaging? kind? judgmental? accepting?
Expanding out a few of these observations will give us lots of information:
If this new person in your life is insulting, harsh, rude, cruel about someone in their past, they will certainly speak this way about you. Check to see if they have insights about themselves instead, which offers wisdom learned.
If a person is abrupt to wait staff in a restaurant, they consider that person beneath them, and subservient. They will treat you this way also given the right circumstances. It means that they are arrogant and imagine themselves better than others.
If a person’s car is a disaster zone, full of trash, half eaten sandwiches, yesterday’s parking ticket, filthy windows etc. you can know without a doubt that all of their life is this messy and uncared for. Even if they have temporarily cleaned up one aspect of their world, it’s guaranteed to return to chaos.
Last, but not least, a person’s friends tell us so much about them. Are these people sarcastic or honest ? Ethical? Supportive of each other? We all surround ourselves in our personal life with people who are like us. Pay attention.
Let’s talk.
I had a "friend" who chose to chastise a server at a restaurant over the fact that the glass of wine she ordered was served in the wrong style of glass. I remember thinking that this "friend" was quite mean and condescending and that I didn't like it. She also spoke disparagingly about other people to me. She was writing a cookbook and I helped her extensively with her prose, almost re-writing entire sections from what she originally had, sections that ended up in her final copy. I also tested many recipes and helped her to finalize many of them. After all that, she didn't acknowledge me in the book credits, and after writing a glowing ode to our friendship in the copy she gave me, she ghosted me a few months later. She saved me from having a difficult conversation with her, and showed me her true colors, and while it stung at the time, I came to see it as a blessing in disguise. I'm very particular about who I spend time with, and that taught me a big lesson on listening to that gut instinct.
I love the wisdom in this letter. Thank you, Tayani.
It is an invitation to look further than surface level and gain true insight into who the other person truly is.
I am constantly going beneath the surface to look at my own life, to know who I am. With the simple aim of creating a beautiful life for myself and others around me.
Deciding to live a beautiful life is made by choosing to have beautiful moments.
You may ask, "How can I have a beautiful life when there is so much chaos and clutter around me?"
The feeling of overwhelm is one of the biggest obstacles. The tasks in front of us can seem daunting, and we may feel incapable of completing them.
All areas of our life are inextricably linked, like cogs of a wheel moving together. Every micro adjustment albeit positive or negative, has a huge impact and changes the whole.
We are, at any time, either moving towards or away from our desired goals. Changing just one thing in our daily routine impacts the whole day.
And yes “The way you do anything is the way you do everything”.
We have choice, agency and the present moment.
Simply getting up and going for a walk early in the day or going to bed one hour earlier have an enormous impact. The most powerful is the perception of feeling capable, which allows us to move metaphorical mountains of doubt, uncertainty and self-limiting beliefs and have the confidence to aim higher, wider and deeper.
The invitation always, is to have a look at what is hidden under the surface, for there lies the possibility of seeing clearly the path forward to a beautiful life.
I wish you just that,
Lyndsay