I like the idea of setting “We Goals” for a commonly argued-about topic. My partner doesn’t like to do exercises like you’ve outlined here… but that doesn’t stop me from doing them, right? I can list the topics we typically argue about and how the arguments start, then think of some goals and share them the next time it happens. I have a long fuse and can typically stay calm for a while - enough to bring up the goals I think. Thanks for the advice ♥️.
Yes! You can absolutely practice this from your side even if he doesn’t want to. Maybe begin with the reflective listening technique of pausing after he speaks to check if you are understanding his viewpoint. You begin by saying something like: I’d like to be sure I understand what you’ve told me, what I heard was…. (Say what you heard him say) and then ask am I understanding you?
This technique is calming for both sides because it first puts you in the mode of listening to understand instead of listening for your turn to speak. And secondly, checking in about your comprehension can bring surprising info. There are many times we don’t hear the other correctly. I think you’ll be surprised at his appreciative response when you do this.
I like the idea of setting “We Goals” for a commonly argued-about topic. My partner doesn’t like to do exercises like you’ve outlined here… but that doesn’t stop me from doing them, right? I can list the topics we typically argue about and how the arguments start, then think of some goals and share them the next time it happens. I have a long fuse and can typically stay calm for a while - enough to bring up the goals I think. Thanks for the advice ♥️.
Yes! You can absolutely practice this from your side even if he doesn’t want to. Maybe begin with the reflective listening technique of pausing after he speaks to check if you are understanding his viewpoint. You begin by saying something like: I’d like to be sure I understand what you’ve told me, what I heard was…. (Say what you heard him say) and then ask am I understanding you?
This technique is calming for both sides because it first puts you in the mode of listening to understand instead of listening for your turn to speak. And secondly, checking in about your comprehension can bring surprising info. There are many times we don’t hear the other correctly. I think you’ll be surprised at his appreciative response when you do this.
Sounds like a plan…. I will start with doing that and then ease into the idea of “we goals”.