The Imposter Monster is Lying.

Never Fear that Beast again.

Imposter Syndrome is a tricky monster. It can pop into our brain at the strangest of moments and stay for an unwanted visit until the lies it tells have grown roots. It says you’re a fraud, just like him.

Logically, we all know we’re not being judged for every comma placement, nor every period, but The Imposter Monster burns thru our confidence feeding on even the tiniest whispers of doubt.

Take a deep breath. All is not lost. The sneaky liar can be ousted from your mind.

What is this Imposter monster that lurks within the subterranean vaults of our mind? It all begins with self-doubt. Imposter syndrome causes people to doubt their own abilities, even when they have achieved success. They may say their success is due to external factors, like chance or luck, instead of skills and their hard work. They can talk themselves into believing they are a fraud. An imposter. That it’s only a mask they are wearing and they’re going to be caught!

Are you nodding your head in agreement? 

Or shaking your head, no?

Even if you are 100% positive this sneaky lying beast won’t appear in your world, it’s good to be prepared. It could be that you’ll be asked to help a friend who’s been infected by it’s poisonous bite.

Self-doubt can be reined in by self-awareness. 

One way to clear any lies is by telling ourselves the truth. Truth wins. (Truth has a bigger sword after all) 

I’ll go first. 

There are many things I am not, and I have no trouble nor embarrassment when stating them out loud. I’m completely clear on these and never pretend I’m even close to being any of them. Here is a sampling to stir your own creative mind.

I’m not:

*An astronaut (despite always dreaming of it)

*A watercolor artist (I’ve tried. Ha ha! Friends have told me the truth)

*A tennis player. (Oh my no. I dated the high school tennis pro way back when, and he said he’d only see me again if I promised never to pick up another racket (true story)

*A ballet dancer or any type of cool dancer for that matter. (Put on some music and I’ll make my point. you’ll be chuckling right along with me. I dance. I don’t do it well, but I surely have fun)

*An actress. (Memorizing dialogue befuddles me.)

*A politician (hats off to those who choose this path but yuck, not for me.)

*A news anchor on tv. (Good golly Miss Molly! Never in 1000 years, or as my grandma would say, not for all the tea in China!)

I could go on, but you get the gist. 

I recently wrote my “About Teyani” page. It took a bit of time to really know what I wanted to say about myself, but here’s my list: I’m a writer, psychotherapist, gardener, knitter, spinner, reader, singer, mother, friend, and meditator. And along the way, I play a bit of piano and ukulele. 

These things are intrinsic to me.

Imposter Syndrome (that sneaky creep) might appear at times when we are testing our knowing of ourselves. When we’re stretching and growing with our best effort to publicly become the people we’ve always known ourselves to be. There are times when the stretch never quite fits. We drop that path and venture out on a new one.

If I thought something was possible I’d check it out. I sang in an a cappella group during college and played piano and guitar way back then. In my college age dreams, I imagined I could become a songwriter, someone like Joni Mitchell or Carol King maybe even Sheryl Crow. I strummed chords and wrote lyrics constantly in my dorm room. The fact that my roommate retreated to visit someone else while I was practicing was my first clue. No one ever applauded. 🤣 I caught on quickly that it was not meant to be. I moved on to a different dream, comfortable that I had checked it out. Since I didn’t pretend to be something that I’m not, the imposter monster didn’t come calling.

Flash forward to current days. I’m a writer. In the somewhat near future, I will be publishing a book. I’ve always written. Poetry, essays, retelling of dreams, stories of my ancestors. So many topics, so little time. It has always felt right deep within me.

The first thing I published on Substack was the Intro to my book in progress Staying Together. I hovered over the publish button for several days. Other writers would be reading my work, not simply the general public or my friends. Was I good enough? Was I a fraud? Had I edited the post enough to put it out there? How would it be received? Was I just pretending to be a part of this awesome group of writers? Imposter Monster  planted some deep roots within me about this. Worry cropped up and joined the chorus of doubt my imposter was singing. Criticism and mockery dished out by a high school English teacher danced in my memory. Ouch. Was I pretending to wear a mask that didn’t suit me? Was I being disingenuous?

Ultimately, I screwed up my courage and published it.  I knew that I was not wearing a mask, nor pretending to be a writer. I write, I edit, I read it out loud, I edit, I rewrite once again, do spell check add a few things for substack interest and publish. Other writers who are also readers have been kind and supportive.

I did it. I’m a writer. Note that I’m not super amazing, nor do I proclaim myself a “finished” product. I’m a writer in process. It brings great joy.

So how did I get over that dreadful monster yelling in my ear that I’m an imposter? Well… let’s take a look. Imposter syndrome is created, it’s not our natural way of being.

“What many do not know is that imposter syndrome is commonly caused by interpersonal trauma involving a lack of safety or support in past relationships. The result is a tendency to overcompensate for those who hurt us to restore a sense of balance and safety.”     From Psychology today

To say that in a slightly different way, Imposter Syndrome can be linked to a pattern of children (or young adults even) being praised for what they have done (like a grade in school or batting a home run) versus who they are. If dreaming and trying is something you are, all the while maintaining your integrity as a human, then of course you should be praised for stretching out, reaching for the stars. You’re being authentic.

If praise has been heaped on you for things you’ve done instead of who you are, or if love has been withdrawn for who you choose to be, the Imposter Monster will always lurk close by. The good news is, that it is never too late to reframe the story of you in your mind’s eye. Things you have done are not who you are. It’s the way you do things that expresses who you are. What could I possibly mean by this? I’ll explain. Follow along in this example if you will:

Let’s say that in high school you were a successful football player, enjoying all the cheers and touch downs you made. These were your actions. The fact that you were also kind to all the other players, made sure to include them when reporters took photos, talked up the truth that it was the team that was great, not just you, is who you are. (no imposter monster here) To continue the made-up example: After high school, you knew that having a career in football wasn’t meant to be. You had been a big fish in a small pond, and it was great fun but now you wanted to attend college for business classes. You needed an income, so you took a job as a janitor in the elementary school while attending college. This is what you did. All the while you were doing this, you continued to be your authentic self. You made certain that every day you worked the floors gleamed, everything was dusted, repairs were always made on time, you were polite to the teachers and kids, learned many kids’ names and praised them, this is who you are. Who you are is not what you do, but it’s the way you do anything. You maintained your integrity, you felt good about yourself. You were authentic, in everything you did. Is this making a bit more sense now?

Ending the cycle of the imposter syndrome monster eating away at your life requires that you become authentic. Acting in balance with who you are will give you the wisdom to flatten the Imposter Monster with a puff of air.

One way to begin is: Reflect on the questions “who am I” and “what matters to me”. Once you answer these questions, and make the choice to live by your answers, you can trust yourself to be authentic. 

Authenticity is a feeling inside yourself. It’s a place of wisdom you can tap into at any time. It’s you being who you truly are despite the risk that someone might not like you. When in doubt, ask yourself: am I being me? Does this accurately reflect who I am? If the answer to those questions is yes, then go for it. Courage is being afraid but acting anyway. 

Be authentic. 

It’s so nice to meet you.